What's pretend??

There are times that I think of myself as "make believe". There are not too many other women like me and I'm not sure why but I'd love to get to know them and form a support group or something. I am now 42. I have children that are 24-23-5-3. Who does that to themselves? I do not have a "significant other" and have decided that either I'm too busy or it's just not in God's plan. I love to serve at the church as often as possible, typically now, about 10 hours a week and attend a full-time status at BSU, with 20 credits. I'm a part-time foster mom that only will take kids if it's listed as a crisis. I workout at the gym about 6 hrs a week and also volunteer at my lil' sons school as the home art mom, typically about 10 hrs a week. My house is immaculate, my car gets vacuumed every Thursday and I love to do laundry. Also, for the season, I am the assistant to the director for the children's Christmas choir and am looking forward to it. Typically, I am the cooridinator of the "angel tree" project but unfortunately, because of my failures last year, I think I will decline to help, if asked.

When I look at my list of things to do, I just think of it as "living" and "dreaming", hopefully to God's will... but then look at my babies at dress-up time, they are just living and dreaming the costume they are in. I don't think of my life as a costume, except that when it finally comes off, I'll be in the kingdom of heaven.

Ho Ho Ho!!

Here is the update for Dylan's weekly home Mom" project. I was asked to make 40 of these Santas. I don't know what they are for but this was such a great family project. This consisted of 5 evenings of cutting felt, faces, and triangles. Then, gluing the pink felt to the white - adding eyes and nose. The next night we sewed two buttons to each of the front of the Santas. The next night we tacked the white strip of felt to the bottom and added the black belt with a gold hand made buckle (wire and lots of needle-nosed plier time) tonight the final touches of stuffing with batting, sewing the closing and glueing the white puff ball for the hat. It's so funny that I have no idea what these are used for and I'm truly praying for each of them as I'm making them. I think they are given to the kids of Dylan's class and want to send home a prayer of blessing to each one of them as they are made. Cece actually started to name them and was quite upset with Dylan that he couldn't remember all of their names. Thank you, Jesus for my little detail oriented child and thank you for the one you sent me that doesn't seem to care. I love the balance.

Is there such a thing as "Mr. Right"?

As a non-traditional student or just a single woman of my age, I guess it's difficult to think about relationships with men and what is supposed to be "Mr. Right". Before I get started on my little escapade, let me say that I truly think God has a plan for everyone and that includes relationships, it's just whether we choose to listen and follow his plan or be impatient and "go on our own".

Dating has become a chapter in my life that I just can't wait to read and get to the end to see the happy ending. It's been very up and down and I've been able to take something out of every single date, good and bad. For the most part, I choose to "not" date. The majority of the reason is because there just is not any time left in my little schedule and I think it's important to have the desire to make it count and be a priority.

Relationships are very time consuming, if you want to do them right and I do. I also have issues with so many of the men, and yes, I'm stereotyping... that come with so much baggage. I was married to the perfect man for 16 years and thought it was forever, he chose to spend the rest of his life with someone else so that leaves me pondering... is there a Mr. Right? Is there really a man that knows how to let me clean and not feel like he has to do it himself to help out, it would be all wrong? Or someone who has not been married 2-3 times, paying alimony and child support for kids from each marriage? What about putting up with my schedule and when I come home and just want pb&j for dinner, which is a current staple, will say "yay"? And first and foremost, will be a leader in our household making sure we all love God in a strong way.

I think about how nice it would be to have someone who knows me so well, who enjoys being with me and smiles when I make a joke, who will just hug me when I'm having a bad day or would just like to know my secrets and love me anyway. I miss the intimacy and accountability, the "always" being there for a couples night out, or knowing that if there is a father/daughter dance, my daughter would have someone to take her.

It's very much a give & take. I also enjoy my freedom, for now! I know that I can meet a friend for lunch and not have to worry about if it's in the budget, I do my budget. Or if I can just grab a pizza on the way home from class, I decide what's for dinner. I can schedule 20 credits for this semester and know that I'm the only one it's going to drain...

For now, it's just a simple question... is there a Mr. Right? I dunno, maybe!!! All in God's time!

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is such a "unique" time of year. There are so many things happening all at the same time. It's officially "fall", which is my favorite season, we can wear big slippers around the house and noone cares and then there is this "holiday" thrown into the middle of parent/teacher conferences, mid-term time and I won't even mention the pressure of the costumes.

We carved pumpkins tonight. Why? I'm not sure. I think it was a really fun family time for me and the kiddos and definitely cheap entertainment. Last year, the kids were really small and we didn't carve pumpkins, this year.... well, since they are both in school asked me, "when is it pumpkin carving time?" so we did.

Dylan has major tactile issues and even though he's very "into" it, he doesn't like to touch things that are slimy. He did ask to touch "the guts" with a spoon but doesn't have the dexterity or strength to do anything except pull one seed out at a time... wow, this is almost"painful"?

We had no rhyme or reason to the faces. I actually drew about 10 different eyes, nose and mouths and just asked them to point to which one they wanted their pumpkins to have. Cece seem to be more of a "smiley" personality when Dylan just wanted "scary guy". I don't think I was able to carve them for any type of contest but as far as the kids go, they loved them.

After the "slashing" of the pumpkins, we washed, soaked and toasted the pumpkin seeds. They were amazing... I've never really had them turn out but was a little more patient this year and roasted some really good "beans"; that's what Cece calls them.

A costume was easy for Dylan, he's wanted to be a football player for a long time and since "Jumpstart" donated a costume for him, well it was a given. Cece has changed her mind so many times that I give up. Originally, I was going to make Dyl a player, Cece a cheerleader and me the coach. Cece now has decided that she can't make it through this season without being a ladybug.

I knew I had some red fabric and black felt, so I was able to add a little batting, put her in black leggings and we had a hit! She is a smiling ladybug and very thrilled.

It always seems like Halloween comes up really quick but then I remember it's only 6 weeks until Christmas. "Holy Buckets", I just put away the red, white and blue!

Zero Hero

As I have stated many times, I have been given the opportunity to be Dylan's at home "art mom" and am loving it. This week, I made 40 "Zero Hero" puppets for his classroom. I have no idea what they are for. Actually for this project I wasn't given anything except a picture and asked to make them them by Wednesday.

So Dylan and I had a lot of fun "bonding" over this one. We talked about the face and what makes up your face. I would sew the cheeks on one and then ask him what parts were missing. I asked him what he thought of his new Zero Hero pal... his only response was, "does he have a dog? I don't like dogs."

Dylan was born addicted to meth. He has several disabilities that are challenging to both of us on a daily basis. He has hydrocephalus, which is extra fluid on the brain, was born with congenital club feet which after 14 surgeries on his legs, he is now able to walk... somewhat. He had a tethered spinal column, spina bifida, a right eye displacement, paralyzed on his right side and only a 1/3 of his brain.

I was told that at birth his pediatrician didn't recommend circumcision because he wasn't going to make it through the week. That he would never walk or talk. He most likely would never eat and breathe at the same time which would leave him needing a feeding tube for life. When he began to smile and coo, the doctor said it was just a response but not a reaction to any kind of stimuli, that he didn't have the brain capacity to mimic people around him.

Dylan, is my "Zero Hero". Right now, He walks... most of the time, talks a LOT, has 20/20 vision. He's never had a feeding tube and eats very well. His hydrocephalus is controlled by a shunt that goes from his head down to his abdomen. He is gaining more strength on his right side, daily. He will independently use his right arm, when cued. Actually, today was the first day that I could tell Dylan to "get dressed" and he did it all by himself... it only took about 47 minutes, but that's not the point, right?

His pediatrician will often call and ask about Dylan and then remind me that he no longer puts any limitations on patients because of the progress Dyl has made totally on his own. He also has a picture of Dylan on his desk which is a double-fold holding a picture of Dylan at birth and current picture that we send often.

When it comes to my Zero Hero, it's definitely Dylan because it's "NOTHING" (or 0) that will stop him. Thank you, Jesus... every day for saving this lil' guy for me. He's the reason I believe, the reason I accept, and the reason that I know my life could always be a lot worse, at least I wasn't born addicted to a lethal substance and still showed everyone around me how to smile.

Brain Overload

One of my most favorite things to do, when I'm not sewing or making crafts for Dylan's class, is to work at the church. I don't actually even like to call it "work" but better to serve. This used to be something I did on almost a full-time basis but since I decided to make school a priority and I'm taking 20 credits, well... unfortunately, the church is just a special gift that I give to myself.

Today, I hired a babysitter and rather than cleaning my house, which is a huge list... or studying, I chose to go to the church to do some cleaning and organizing. My lil' office has been so neglected so I was able to get things more in order. After putting away a few things from the last couple of Sundays, and catching up on the latest messages, I was able to put some work into our large-group classroom.
For the months of October and November, we are doing the creation story. I made a display of what God created each day during the week and then put it up on the wall. Next, I made really large "tissue flowers", but since I made them out of different colors of blue, I think they look like clouds. I hung several from the ceiling.

I actually organized the curriculum for each of the preschool classrooms so they will all have activities and be prepared for a story on Sunday morning.

I love my church and how they have just brought me in and LOVE me, no matter what.

Communications 101

I thoroughly enjoy my Communications class. Let me give you the rundown... it's a class of about 35 students in which only 10 of us do NOT live on campus. So, the majority of the students are the traditional, young adults that are either still living at home or have just moved away from home and now live on the meal plan for nutrition. They thrive on donuts for breakfast, a nice lunch in the dining hall ,and then pizza or whatever they can scrounge up for dinner.

This class is held in one of the older buildings on campus. It's very "old-school"... you can still see all of the air ducts in the 14 foot ceiling(which have been painted to orange or blue), it smells like an old house attic, tile for floors, and all of the desks are very small and make a lot of noise. The technology is that of the 80's... a tv with VCR on a huge cart, a pull down screen that can never go back up and an overhead projector that allows the instructor to display things on the wall in a crooked manner.

Today, I gave my informative speech. I chose the topic of "some of the the affects that meth has on newborns". I am able to speak at Dylan's school, do really well when it comes to PTA meetings, or leading workshops at Jumpstart for a group of parents but when it came to delivering this speech in front of these young adults and my instructor (who happens to 1/2 my age), I was quite shaky. I was sweating, trembling and could hardly breathe. So then what... just pray!!! I want to be an example for other students and to not be afraid to speak about something that I have a passion for... well, I did it! I think most of them found it to be entertaining and not too boring. I can't wait to see my score, hopefully... an A+... YAY!!!

Remember, I wrote this speech the day it was assigned as to my fellow classmates that jotted down a few things the night before it was due. I spent several hours carefully researching the stats that I needed including doing an interview with a social worker from the IDHW, instead of hoping the instructor wouldn't look up my "fake" resources. I also had my visual aids professionally printed and mounted as to not bring in anything or just accepting the deduction or better yet, a semi-skewed picture that was printed from the library from a website that didn't really go with my speech.

Like I said at the beginning, I love my Communications class and all of my classes. I have learned to get over a few social phobias that I have and learn to enjoy the crowded surroundings with other people that have a LOT of bodily function issues... lol!

A Little Bit of a Crush

Most women of my age are pretty good at decor and making their houses look inviting and warm. Within 10 minutes of meeting me you'll learn that I love Jesus, I like things neat and I have a bit of an obsession over Tom Hanks. Unreal... I know! I own thousands of items that are of "my Tommy". I celebrate his birthday every year, which is July 9th. He's exactly 10 years, 6 months and 11 days older than me. I little bit... oh, let's just say "non-traditional".

Here is a picture of the bookshelf that is in my "office".

This is what I look at while sitting at the computer.

Yep, so this non-trad momma has movie posters up in her "office"... yes, it's actually my bedroom!